domingo, 20 de março de 2011

some jokes in english



If you are an English teacher, try to improve your classes working jokes with your students. I’m sure you are going to be successful in the end of your class your pupils are going to thank you for the productive class they have. It’s good to teach jokes to the pupils because it motivates them to don’t miss next class and to learn different texts and learn to communicate in different languages. Besides stimulating them to learn the English language, also they are happy and free at the class time and none of them go out the classroom complaing from your given class.

kitchen chicken jokes_thumb[1]

On the contrary, they are going to make each other wonderful commentaries about what have learned in the classroom. Imagine how much they are going to value your work and talk mouth by mouth about it.

In short, when you tell a joke, you can smile a lot and if you are full of personal problems, in this moment, you suddenly stop being sad and worried and change your face expression, all the problems disappear and your life flies around you, certainly you are very happy and pleased. I enjoy listening to funny jokes. I think they are essencial for our lives, because living just facing stresses and suffering nowadays kill us and we need to rest from our jobs mainly when we work hard day by day.


Finally I invite you to laugh and smile so much. After reading my jokes you can comment to each one if you prefer. Thank you for your attention and I’m waiting for you here in my blog forever.


2 x 11

Why is two times ten the same as two times eleven?

Because two times ten is twenty, and two times eleven is twenty, too!




Long grass

One afternoon a wealthy laywer was sitting in the back of his ,
limousine being driven to work, when he saw two men eating grass
by the side of the road.

He ordered his driver to stop, and then he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the men.

"Sir, we don't have any money for food," one of the men replied.

"Come along with me," instructed the lawyer.

The first man said, "But sir, I have a wife and two children. They
are also hungry."

"Bring them along too," replied the lawyer.

The second man said, "Sir, I have a wife and six children. Can they
come as well, please?"

"No problem, bring them as well," answered the lawyer as he climbed
back into his limo.

Finally, they were all in the limo - the lawyer, the two men, their
two wives and eight children.

One of the men said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all
of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, there will be plenty to eat at my home.
The grass is almost half a metre tall."





Dear Susan

A man is in jail for robbing 27 banks. One day
he receives a letter from his wife. It says...

Dear Peter

As you are in jail I will have to plant the
potatoes in the garden myself.

When is the best time to plant them?



He sends her the following reply...

Dear Susan

Do not plant the potatoes in the garden as
that is where I have hidden all the money
from the bank robberies.



A few days later he receives another letter...

Dear Peter

It's terrible. Yesterday twenty policemen
came to the house and dug up the whole
garden, but they didn't find anything.

Love Susan

He sends her the following reply...

Dear Susan

Now is the best time to plant the potatoes!









A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, please help me. I hurt all over."

The doctor asked the man to explain more.

The man said, "When I touch my arm it hurts, when I touch my leg it

hurts, when I touch my head it hurts. Everywhere I touch it hurts."

The doctor examined the man and said, "Mr Smith, your finger is broken!"



Good news, bad news

The soldiers had been in the field for two weeks and hadn't had

showers or been able to change their clothes.

Then one day the general came along and said, "Men, I have some

good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?"

All the men shouted, "Tell us the good news, tell us the good news."

The general smiled and said, "Men, the good news is that today we're

going to change our underwear."

All the men cheered.




Then the general said, "Now the bad news. Smith, you change with Jones.

Jackson, you change with Thomson ... "


In the classroom

A teacher said, "Mary, I'd like you to give me a sentence beginning

with 'I', please."

Mary thought for a few seconds and then said, "I is..."

The teacher interupted her and said, "No Mary, you cannot begin a

sentence with 'I is' - you must use 'I am'."

Mary looked upset and said, "But Miss..."

The teacher shouted, "Give me a sentence beginning with 'I am', please."

Mary shrugged her shoulders and said, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."



Fortune teller

Many hundreds of years ago a king went to see a fortune teller to

see what she could predict about the future.

The fortune teller told the king that one of his wives would die that year.

The king didn't believe her and went away laughing.

Later that year one of the king's wives died.

He remembered what the fortune teller had told him and thought that

she had caused the death of his wife, that she had made it happen.

He decided to put her to death.

He ordered that she be brought before him.

When she was before him he said to her, "A few months ago you

predicted that one of my wives would die this year, and one of them

has died. So you are a fortune teller. Now, tell me - when will you die?"

The fortune teller realised that the king was planning to kill her,

so she thought very carefully before answering, "I will die three days

before you do, your majesty."



A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The supermarket manager greeted him with a smile and a handshake,

and then gave him a brush, saying "Welcome to Smith's Supermarkets.

Here is a brush - your first job is to sweep the floor."

The young man looked amazed and said, "But I'm a university graduate."

The manager then said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that you are

a university graduate. Give me the brush and I'll show you how to do it."

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